Last New Year’s Eve, Cootie was sitting on the couch at her sister’s house, confused and alone. She had just left her long-term relationship and was wondering exactly what the hell was going to happen next.
Last New Year’s Eve, I was on Market Square with my long-term relationship, wishing that I was with Cootie. I was confused and angry and wondering exactly what the hell was going to happen next.
Last New Year’s Eve, when midnight came, I refused to kiss my long-term relationship. The ball dropped. No kiss. And I couldn’t even explain to her why.
I did, however, send Cootie a picture of myself with puckered lips, trying to kiss her through the cell phone. A gesture, no matter how pathetic, is still a gesture.
I made Cootie a promise the next day that she would never have to spend New Year’s Eve alone again.
Two weeks later, I got kicked out of the house in the most spectacularly fiery break-up since the second Death Star exploded.
And I moved in with Bethy and Ryan the same day that Cootie did and…well, any faithful reader knows the rest.
2009 was the Year of X and Cootie. Our getting together and building a life together freaked out a lot of people.
I think pretty much everyone has gotten used to us now. I can’t speak for all of our ex’s, but everyone else has.
So… now that I’ve got her… what am I going to do with her?
What are we going to do with each other?
And will there be pictures?
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I believe resolutions are for the weak. I also believe they do nothing but set the one who makes the resolutions up for failure by using false and unnecessary guilt to spur themselves into action.
“I have to do this! I said I would… on January 1st!”
I don’t even make plans anymore. Eris has taught me that setting goals is silly. Now, I have nebulous plans. When I want to do something, I make a Nebulous Plan. It’s far less definitive than an actual goal, and therefore less likely to bring down the whimsical wrath of the gods.
I have a Nebulous Plan to lose weight. I don’t even think of it as losing weight. I think of it as gaining a penis.
We have a Nebulous Plan to open our own business. And it’s going to be cool as shit, whenever we get it up and going, and hopefully, it will be enough to allow one of us to quit our day jobs.
We have a Nebulous Plan to take a honeymoon in a very exotic place. I can’t even say where, just to be on the safe side.
My point is… just because Cootie and I got married doesn’t mean we died. We’re not in stasis or suspended animation. We are still here, still autonomous individuals in a fantastic joined relationship.
I suspect some fun things will happen this coming year. And I will keep you updated on all of it.
We are here. We are more alive than ever before. That whole thing where marriage makes you boring does not apply to us.
If you would like to ride this rollercoaster with us, pull down the bar and keep hands and feet inside the car until the car stops moving.
Which will be never.