Hail Eris! Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Learned to Love the Chaos

So… I don’t know if blogging about Twitter causes some kind of horrifying inter-dimensional rift (with the accompanying maelstrom), but I guess we’re about to find out. This guy started following me on Twitter named @Jimhemming. Seems like a nice enough guy. I don’t know if he drinks, but I have a feeling if we knocked back a couple of beers, we would have a fascinating conversation.

One day, @Jimhemming tweets something to the effect of , “Tired of seeing #haileris on here just in case she’s listening.” I kind of took that personally because, well, being a Discordian, I tend to say that a lot. So I tweeted back to him, “We have no reason to believe she isn’t. Hail Eris!”

And he replied! And I was pleased by this, because I hate it when I say something totally stupid and it just shuts people down. Come on. You can do better than that. He tweeted back something to the effect of, “Right, so no reason to provoke that crazy bitch! And Hail Eris, if you’re watching.” I told him that I was watching and that his advice was much appreciated and I suppose I should ask now, are you lost? I’m throwing around a couple of terms that some of you may not be familiar with.

ERIS– A Greek goddess who came to be the embodiment of Chaos. If I were dating her, I would refer to Eris as “The Really Bad Crazy.” She;s the ditzy next-door neighbour on a 70’s sitcom. She’s the one night stand who won’t stop calling you and will not be ignored. She’s an old Gypsy woman looking for an extension on the mortgage. She will fuck your shit up.

DISCORDIANISM— The belief that Chaos shows up in everyone’s life and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Better to just hold on and enjoy the whirlwind. Discordianism can, but doesn’t not always, involve the worship of the Goddess Eris. And if you don’t feel like worshipping her, at least acknowledge her existence. And if you can’t do that, at least pronounce her name correctly.

Look. You knew we were going to get into belief systems sooner or later. This is just the tip of it.

The way I see it, not acknowledging Chaos as an active force in your life is ignorance. We all see it, every day. The flat tire on the way to work. The freak accident that takes a life. The unexpected lottery win. It is all Chaos.

Any sense of control that we have over our own lives is strictly illusory. Things happen every day that we can’t control. Even our own bodies betray us from time to time. And we think we’re so smart.

So… give it a name, right?

I realize there are those who do not see Discordianism as a true belief system. Even the writer of the Discordian text, The Principia Discordia, will only say that the book is “not as true as some, and truer than others.” But I do take the concept of Discord as a way of and part of everyday life quite seriously. Well, as seriously as I can. After all, it’s only Chaos.

So when you see me hailing the Great Goddess Eris, understand fnord that I am acknowledging all that I cannot control in my life or anyone else’s, for that matter. Chaos reigns and Discord is what it is. And the reason people get blindsided by Eris when she shows up in their lives is because they aren’t expecting her. They haven’t made room for her in their lives.

I suggest doing so. Because she will make her presence known to each and everyone of us.

Oh… and don’t eat hot dog buns.

Hail Eris.


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